NASHVILLE, TN – Local stores have begun preparations for a surge in expected sales in advance of this weekend’s matchup between Vanderbilt and the University of Florida. Besides the normal jump in cheap beer, grain alcohol, chewing tobacco, and camouflage clothing huntin’ attire seen on football weekends against SEC schools, Gators fans buy one other item in surprisingly large quantities: jean shorts.
Favorite purchase of Gators fans.
We talked to local Sears manager Robert Carrinzo about this unique phenomenon. “We first started noticing this trend about 8-10 years ago,” said Carrinzo. “Normally, by the time the Florida game shows up on the Commodores schedule, we have already removed jean shorts from our shelves. They would just buy a full pair of jeans, ask for a pair of scissors, and cut off the legs right at the sales desk! Now, in anticipation of this being a regular occurrence, we keep several boxes of shorts in storage after we ship back our other summer items to the distributor.”
At a local Wal-Mart, we caught up with an early-arriving Florida fan to try to figure out what causes this jump in sales.
“Damn, I just love me my jean shorts,” stated Earl Mitchum, of Alachua, FL. “But dammit all, if the damn rusty springs in my ole truck didn’t just rip the ass right out of my last pair. It’s a fur piece up here to Tennessee, so by the time I got here, I needed me a new pair.”
Earl Mitchum, Florida Fan
When asked why he and other Florida fans love jean shorts so much, Mitchum replied, “Damn, I dunno. I guess I started wearin’ ’em when I ripped the legs off my jeans. Then I got twice the use out of ’em. Guess I just got used to ’em.”
While not normally calculated in the economic benefits of football games, Wal-Mart, Sears, JC Penney, and other local stores expect to see up to a 630% increase in the sales of jean shorts and jean short accessories over the next four days. While not considering it a make-or-break weekend for the store, Carrinzo said, “This is always a great bonus for us, and is definitely going to get our sales off to a good start for the month. Two years ago when Florida played Vanderbilt in Nashville, I made half my quota just on this weekend. Who’d have thought that jean shorts would be the item that saves our revenue statistics during the down period before Christmas rush?”
Not us, Richard, not us……
For more information, please check out Gators Wear Jean Shorts
The Valiant Underdog 
Hey, it’s a Vanderbilt blog!
I don’t blog about VU sports nearly that often, but part of it is because i didn’t think anyone else had embraced the blog (as opposed to message board) paradigm. Now that i know you’re here, i’ll try to comment on occasion.
Great to have you around! Feel free to comment anytime, and I’ll try to keep updating.
Anyone who wants to make fun of Florida is a friend of the GatorsWearJeanShorts crew. God speed Vandy!
Quite the thinkpiece! Vibrant and rich!
Leave it to us Semenholes to think we’re better than people who wear denim shorts. Funny thing is, there is a picture of a supposedly hot Semenhole chick pointing at a Gaytor dude at the game who’s wearing denim shorts. Everybody on the Tribal Council thinks it’s funny but nobody seemed to notice what she has on in the picture. Yeah, denim shorts cut off with scissors and unhemmed. Typical.
Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Dot is a useless twat rag making money off all the little insecure Semenholes that hang on his every word because they are more interested in tasting what he had for lunch than spending time trying to make sure their wives have something to think about when they minds wander to the edge besides wishing they had a real man around the house that knew how and when to please a woman in a way other than mowing the lawn and changing the oil in her car. And, trying to get her to have a threesome with your sister isn’t cutting it either.
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